Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My dad just said "fuck circus"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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