Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
