Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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