He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
