At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
