God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
