I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
