shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
