oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
