Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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