that's an acceptable place to lick
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
