I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
