just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
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Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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