she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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