how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
