Already got asked if we're dating
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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