I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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