i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
