Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
