based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
