P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
