I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
