Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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