the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You dont lie about slip and slides
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
