He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
