yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
