it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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