did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Randomize
