I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I lost the right to judge tonight
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
