So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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