yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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