I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
