At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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