Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
