I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
