I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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