shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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