did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
