Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
