yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
