I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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