I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
