Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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