I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
