i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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