Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
