there's paper in my vomit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
