i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
