Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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