3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
