I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
