Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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