areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
