It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
