Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
