well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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