I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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