we have officially lost it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
