That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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