I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
