he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
