Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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