I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
