I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
