I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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